Being single is tough topic because 1) it seems like nobody wants that status (except some of those in relationships) and 2) it can be a really awesome time in your life if you do it right. These two aspects of being single often compete and clash with each other. On one hand, you can enjoy being single and having time to yourself but still get lonely at times and desire a romantic relationship as opposed to just a friendship. In this article, I’m going to explain how you can enjoy being single no matter your age or what stage of life you’re in.
One important thing to know is that for every time and stage in your life there is a purpose. Whether that is the period of loneliness after losing a friend you thought you’d have forever or the joyous moment after you’ve achieved something great. Learning the purpose for each period in your life will make your experiences so much more fruitful. Oftentimes when we’re in the middle of a joyous moment, we don’t take the time to reflect upon how we got there. And if we’re in a really stagnate or low point in our lives, we are so focused on how to get out of it that we don’t try and figure out its purpose in our life. I believe we get some of the most meaningful and life-changing revelations during the tough seasons in our lives if we are able to take our attention away from the emotion and focus on the purpose.
Therefore when it comes to the time in your life when your single whether that is a few months or several years, try not to focus on the feelings of loneliness or desperation, try to focus on what area of your life you need to start developing. Whether that’s an attitude issue you need to sort through, another relationship you may have neglected, or even a new project or idea that has been trying to get your attention. If you’re single, I can guarantee you there’s a reason for it- and that is not to say there is something wrong with you that needs to be fixed; it may be because there’s an area of your life that could flourish and it just needs the proper attention without any distractions.
We spend so much of our lives focusing on what we’re missing that we not only forget what we have going for us, but we also miss out on genuine opportunities that could flourish greatly in our lives. Therefore I challenge you to take just 10 minutes and reflect on your life and your singleness. Self-reflection is a valuable tool that we need to utilize more often. Life goes by so fast and if you’re not reflecting, you will miss out on some very important moments. Self-reflecting is also a time for genuine honesty with ourselves. There’s no one else there to put ideas in our head or criticize us harshly. I’m sure you’ve heard sayings such as certain people can know you better than you know yourself, although I disagree with this statement. No one truly knows you better than you know yourself other than God. And spending time with yourself and with God will uncover things about yourself that may have been stunting your progress in life. Most of the time, it’s not that we don’t know ourselves, it’s that we don’t take the time to self-reflect or we make excuses for behavior instead of studying our hearts to figure out why we’re doing it.
Being single is a wonderful time to self-reflect on your goals, your accomplishments and work that still needs to be done. It can also be a time of great creativity. Whether you’ve been putting off a project you’ve wanted to start or a dream you’ve wanted to pursue but didn’t have the time or courage to. Focus on these things and pushing yourself to be a better you. It’s more difficult to do these things when half of your time is devoted to someone else. Therefore take this time to be self-productive.
Now don’t get me wrong, you can certainly have fun with a significant other and sometimes, certain experiences can be enhanced by who you’re with. However, please do not make the mistake of thinking that unless you have someone to do something with, you cannot have a good time. I’m sure you’ve had the experience of being with a group of friends and feeling like you have to go along with whatever the group wants to do or where they want to eat even though you’d much rather do something else. There’s something to be said about being able to go where you want to go and do what you want to do when you want to do it! Being single means having some time when you can be a little selfish and self-focused and everybody needs that whether you’re a housewife with five kids or whether you’re single and working.
This time allows you the freedom to explore your own interests and even try new things. Taking the time to do things you enjoy and pursue new experiences can expose parts of you that you didn’t even know were there or that you had forgotten. People and relationships are blessings, although with blessings comes responsibility. Therefore take this time when your load is light to explore new things. This time will only be fruitful if you realize its potential and take advantage of it!
And who said you can’t go out to eat by yourself? Don’t be afraid to go to a new place you’ve been wanting to try by yourself. Heck, take a magazine or a book or simply go prepared to people watch- I guarantee you’ll find something interesting to look at.
I know I talked extensively above about taking a lot of time to self-reflect and to do things you enjoy, however being single does not mean 100 % of your time should be devoted to yourself. That is certainly a significant part of what you need to do, but you may also find that you’ve haven’t spent as much time with your family and friends as you used to. You may have even lost touch with people that you used to speak to consistently. If this is the case, don’t fret. Simply try to re-connect yourself to the people who you care about the most. Maybe your family lives in a different state. If that’s the case, take the time to visit and spend some quality time with your family. While a phone call can do a lot, nothing can replace physical time spent with your loved ones even if that’s just a couple of times a year. You will find the time you spend catching up, laughing, eating and enjoying your time together does so much for you and for your family.
On that same note, maybe there are friendships you’ve neglected because of the time you spent with your significant other. Or maybe you can’t remember the last time you went out with your friends for drinks and laughs. Don’t fill your brain with thoughts and questions of maybe they’re busy now, or will they want to talk to me? Are they upset that I haven’t contacted them? I found that these types of thoughts only work to hold you back, they do not help mend relationships, reconnect or explore new ones. And more times than not, the person will not be upset, but simply be very happy to hear from you and eager to catch up on missed time.
People are touched when they feel important to you and when you express a genuine interest in their lives. Therefore I also challenge you to use this time in your life to reconnect to people you have lost contact with and to express to your family verbally and physically how much you love them. I think you will find that investing in these relationships will be one of the most important things in life you can do.
I hope you have found this article helpful in developing some new perspectives and practices during your time of singleness. In all of these steps, there is a constant message of pouring something into yourself. Through self-reflection, doing things that excite you and spending time with people you love, you are pouring knowledge, love and substance into your life. If you are empty, you have nothing to offer to someone else. Therefore find purpose in this time and in everything, make sure you are reflecting, spending your time where it matters and giving yourself the best that life can offer.